"I feel like an eagle, perched at the edge of a cliff with my wings spread but I'm just rocking on the edge waiting to go...."
Eagle by David White
My neighbor spoke out of her drive to reach her dreams and goals as we sat in my living room after I had returned from a late night run. I felt a looming empathy for her as she described her "on the edge" feeling while still being stuck. I've spent a lot of time on this edge myself, rocking back and forth and waiting for the right gust of wind.
I met someone this past week. This was no usual meeting of the minds or a casual birthing of friendship. It was random, haphazard, surprising and even somewhat shady. And somehow, without realizing it, this person became somewhat of a mirror - and I started noticing myself in their reflection. I noticed the stark contrast between where I had once been within the traits of this individual, an aire of confidence and calmness that I used to know. I noticed my own anxiety and fears, apprehension and how I too easily prescribe to theories involving non-existent boogeymen. I realized that fear of what might go wrong, what could go awry, what twisted ending might erupt is what has been holding me to that towering edge. I hate this edge.
I realized that to learn to fly is to first fall, and maybe get hurt. But it's the risk of hurt that makes it worth it. There are too many people left to discover, too many dreams of mine that I have left to realize and too many random, haphazard, surprising and even shady circumstances left that may end with something brilliant, even if sometimes it hurts.
As for my new found friend...here's to random, haphazard, surprising and shady brilliance.